OPERATION MILF: PHASE M (Mind & Muscle) Tools

We’re not easing into this.

We’re not “gently incorporating healthy habits.” We are waging war against mental fog and noodle arms. Phase M is MIND & MUSCLE, because if I’m gonna become an absolute menace of a human, I need both brain and biceps in peak condition.

Here’s my arsenal of equipment, most of which I acquired through questionable life choices:

🏋️‍♀️ The Fit! Home Gym – For when I want to feel like a beast but also slightly regret everything.
🚣‍♀️ Velocity Rower (Found on a curb) – Yes, I dragged this home with sheer willpower and my partner’s poor life choices.
🚴‍♀️ Yesoul Fitness Bike – Used it exactly once before realizing the seat was has a learning curve.
🧘‍♀️ Iron Gym Yoga Mat – For stretching, pretending to plank, and collapsing dramatically.
🏃‍♀️ Mini Stepper (Amazon late-night buy) – The machine that will either build my stamina or destroy my knees.
📖 Hybrid Calisthenics Book (Hampton Liu) – Because if my muscles fail me, at least my reading comprehension skills won’t.
📓 Gratitude Journal – A daily reminder that even when I feel like trash, I should still write something like, "At least I didn't fall down the stairs today."

💀 CURRENT STATUS: I feel awful. Like “maybe I should just dissolve into my blankets and start over tomorrow” awful. But THAT is exactly why this starts now.

I’m not another wellness girly, I’m wrestling my excuses into submission and becoming physically and mentally unstoppable. If you see me slacking, roast me in the comments. If you have tips for how to make bike seats suck less, drop them immediately.

Let’s go.

Phase M has begun. 💥